[[here is an example of a paragraph with several sentences packed together. i try to avoid these generally]]
“Stop,” said Wili. The truck stopped, Wili opened the right-hand door and hopped out. He approached one of the potentially accessible doors and touched its com panel. There was no response. He touched it again, pressing hard against the panel surface. Nothing. He walked across the track to the other door. As he did so, he noticed something in the distance, in the tunnel ahead of the magtruck, colors standing out against the dim concrete and metallic grays of the tunnel and station. He opened his eyes wider, and it was as he had hoped: another patch of painted symbols and characters. He ran to it. It was poorly lit, being a dozen meters from the lights of the magtruck, but as he stood just a meter away he could read it clearly through all the grime and cobwebs and dust: “Access Station 8-64, Medna 15 km, Tug Day, Fivemonth 5, 837,” and then, “BURY THE GUNS, SINK THE SHIPS, OPEN THE CITIES.”
Wili repeated the final lines under his breath. A Mountain Hero song, an especially heroic and portentous one, was playing across his mind, and he began to hum along. He skipped back to the magtruck and climbed inside. He pulled the door shut. “Keep going,” he said.
The magtruck slipped forward, away from station 8-64.
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Andrew, your writing is clean, easy-to-follow, and evocative! "Magtruck" is nice! Is that a magnetic truck?
ReplyDeleteAlso, I try to avoid longer paragraphs, too.
i strive to be clear.
ReplyDeletea magtruck is a magnetic levitation truck, or maglev truck, or magtruck. i have flying trucks in my book.
ReplyDeleteThat is exactly what I imagined when I read "magtruck"! A+!
ReplyDelete